1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.

3. I finally got my head together: but now my body is falling apart.

4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded.

5. If all is lost, where is it?

6. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

7. It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

8. Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you are in the bathroom.

9. If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.

10. These days I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter…… I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what am I here after!